Harlot-ween

Halloween-- a time for scary pumpkins, candy, and fun costumes...well, not in college.  The collegiate definition of Halloween is a week long celebration of pumpkin flavor vodka drinks and slutty outfits.  The only thing that's the same is the candy, but I'm sure someone will ruin that too.  Halloween actually starts the Wednesday before the 31st.  Remember the good ol' days of creative costumes?  You could be a monster, superhero, anything really! Nowadays you just get SLUT!  Slut is like an umbrella category, because within Slut you can be a slutty animal, or your favorite non-slutty profession as long as you make it slutty.  You could even be a Slutty Couch! How?? One cushion for the front, POSSIBLY one for the back and leg warmers as arm rests. I'm sure you'll find some dollar bills between those cushions (wink)  Now isn't that creativity!  Have I just ruined your childhood? Clearly you're not in college, but trust me this description does it justice.  At the moment, my hallway reeks of alcohol and hedonism.  And for this I dub this previous week Harlot-ween.  Miss all the Harlot-ween fun? Don't worry you have 358 days to choose an innocent non-sexual item and HOE IT UP!  Good luck and be creative! :]

Ian J.

Plain Ol' Ignorance

I am sick and tired of ignorance on Facebook.  I am so sick of it that I am ready to "unfriend" people because of it.  I know it's the Internet and proper English is not required, but to show that you have some type of education would be nice.  I woke up this morning to see a News Feed full of... I don't know what.  I literally had to sit there and decipher a Facebook status.  I should just quote it right here, but I don't want to hurt anyone.  BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, a lower case "g" and a lower case "q" are not the same letter. While they may look somewhat similar, they are not the same.  Are you trying to help people who are visually impaired?  I can't think of another reason why so let's just go with that one!  The other type of ignorance that annoys me to no end is spelling words phonetically.  Unless you are being paid by Dictionary.com, Wikipedia, Webster's Dictionary, or you are a teacher, there is no reason you should be writing phonetically.  If there is another reason why please inform me.  Here is an example of both, "qoinq tew dha store." This is not a real sentence.  That is a bunch of letters thrown together.  And if it pained you to read this, then you feel my struggle! Please spread the word with this one because it is an epidemic that needs to be taken out.

Ian J.

Puff Puff "No thank you, I'll pass."

So yesterday was the infamous 420.  To anyone out of college it was April 20, 2011 a.k.a. just another day.  To everyone else, it was "National Marijuana Day."  What this means is I've sat through millions of statuses on facebook about smoking weed and another million about how stupid 420 is.  I've also endured people who smell like skunks walking past my door all night.  Me personally, I could care less (hence why I'm writing about it.) Many people ask me why I don't smoke.  Here is my reasoning:  I'm asthmatic!  God has cursed me with bad enough lungs.  I don't need to make my weak lungs any more pathetic!  Secondly, I just don't want to smoke.  People say it's euphoric.  I think drinking Pepsi is euphoric, and this is good enough for me.  Unfortunately, I gave up soda for Lent, so no euphoria until Sunday.  Either way, if you want to smoke congrats, just don't do it by me.  If you don't want to smoke come join the party!  I'll even buy you a Pepsi! :]

Ian J.

My School Does NOT Have An Art Major

So for the second time this week, the third time since the beginning of the school year, I've seen spray paint and graffiti all over my beautiful school.  REALLY!?!?! What the heck! This weekend someone decided, probably in a drunken stupor, that it would be a good idea to spray paint along the windows on the outside of my building's common room.  They also thought it would be nice to spray the lamp posts leading to the next building.  I saw it and I was dumb founded.  I found out today, they also wrote "GAY" on the back of another building.  Today, I saw someone had drawn a smiley face on the back wall of the elevator with what looked like pen ink.  I rolled my eyes and turned around only to find graffiti on the elevator door.  CUTE, REAL FREAKING CUTE!  It angers me to see this type of stupidity, so much so that this would have curses in this but my mother reads it.  (Thank you mother for my sense of censorship) I don't pay $48,000 a year to live in the projects! Someone needs to get their stuff together!
Ian J.

Cold and Wet

I love when I go in the shower and its nice and warm.  I HATE when I go in the shower and right as I go in 30 other people (exaggeration) come in and shower also!  EXCUSE ME!! This is my time to enjoy a nice hot shower not a communal cold downpour.  Who decided it was okay to have all the showers hooked up to the same water system a.k.a. who decided that more than one person couldn't take a hot shower at the same time?  When you find out tell me and I'll grab my pitchfork and gather the mob.  To have a undisturbed hot shower you need to schedule that accordingly.  You either have to wake up at 6 am (and who's doing that?) or take it in the middle of the day while everyone is in class.  I have class in the morning and I refuse to be funky. So as I sit here in my towel, I declare cold night showers it is.

Ian J.

Heart Broken

Tonight I come to you just a little discouraged.  Have you ever loved doing something so much, just to find out you're not good at it?  If so, I know your pain.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my English class so much! It's an English theater class (right up my alley.) Everyday I go in with a smile, talk in class, leave with a smile, and I'm just happy when thinking about it. But every time my teacher gives me a paper back there are just so many comments and I get discouraged.  How can I love something so much yet suck at it?  She tells me I have a narrative style of writing when I should have a more analytical style.  I've known this for some time and I just can't seem to break the cycle (yet)  I want to get the best grade in the class but I can't seem to dig deep enough.  So maybe I'll go to Home Depot tomorrow and buy a shovel.  So tonight raise a glass to all the broken hearts and here's to digging deep and hopefully finding gold!

Ian J.

Oh Midterms...

There's nothing worse than having a test.  Correction. There's nothing worse than having multiple tests in the same week!  We've all had them.  The dreaded midterms. [Insert scream/ shriek here.]  Who decided to stress students out and test them all in the course of one week?  Thankfully I only have two this week and that's it.  Unfortunately they are both on EVERYTHING we've learned so far in the semester.  I had my first one today.  I hate saying how I think I did because if I say good it ends up being bad.  And If I say bad it ends up being okay.  If i say I don't know I leave my options open!  By the way, the way I see it is once you've handed it in there's no reason to stress because it's no longer in your hands. OH! And since when is 'All of the above' not the right answer.  I feel like it was created by teachers to say "HEY! Pick this one and you'll be right!"  Well on my test today every other question had 'All of the above'.  I was shocked, dumbfounded and quite upset!  That is not how it works buddy!  Unless all of the answers were 'E', which I highly doubt!  Did you know it's been proven that scan trons automatically lower a student's confidence.  So here is my message to all the students out there:  Good luck! Study hard! And don't let stress get the best of you. :]

Ian J.